Freedom and discipline are concepts that create confusion and that each family interprets differently.These interpretations will lead to the application of certain guidelines and educational styles that cause us to be more or less permissive, controlling, and affectionate parents.

From a more conventional point of view, discipline tends to be confused with correction and punishment. In this case, parents wonder: How do I control my child’s behavior? The techniques that are applied from this model would be those aimed at modifying negative behaviors through punishment or lectures, and awarding kids with ‘stars, points, money, sweets…’ to encourage good behavior. Within this model, freedom would be viewed in the same way as something adults impose on children. In other words, I – as the adult – let you do what you want and I don’t set limits because I want you to grow up with freedom, without conditions that could influence you, so you can develop your own personality.

However, “Letting children do whatever they want when they have not yet developed self-control is betraying the idea of ​​freedom” (Maria Montessori, The absorbing mind). Montessori schools are often labeled as free education centers, but that is not true. Nothing could be further from the truth. As María Montessori said, in our schools children do not do what they want, but rather they love what they do, and this has a huge impact on the atmosphere of respect and warmth that is breathed in our classrooms. Our understanding of the concepts of freedom and discipline represents the foundation of our interactions with children and how we work on their social-emotional development. In our model we believe that discipline and freedom are skills that children bring with them and we, adults, have to prepare their environment so that they can fully develop these skills.
Discipline is understood as the capacity for self-control, self-discipline and willpower, while freedom is understood as the ability to choose and freely accept the consequences of our choices. As parents and educators we can help them develop these skills by providing order and routines, as well as limits, that make children feel safe and protected. Limits have to be imposed naturally and meaningfully, focused on preserving safety and respect, coexistence with others and order. This concept would be closer to what is known today as positive discipline.

Positive discipline entails a change of focus and a change in the question, from how do I control my child, to how do I accompany and support him so that he learns to self-control and make responsible decisions? This discipline teaches skills and involves deciding what we are going to do as parents, firmly but lovingly, instead of waiting for the child to “behave well.” As they grow, we can involve them more in the solution-finding process.

This will ensure that we continue to build relationships with our children based on love and respect that will last a lifetime. 

DIRECTOR OF THE INTERNATIONAL MONTESSORI SCHOOL
CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, SPECIALIST IN FAMILY COACHING